“I have noticed that if you look carefully at people’s eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away.”—“The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd
how can i possibly be hungry right now? i’m more than ready for this ap bio test. spring break, t minus two weeks. so relatively fucked. eskimo. i have so much to figure out, but no time to do it in. isn’t that always the case? crossing my fingers. stress certain points. still waiting on one. neck pain. old friend. dolce fa niente. goodnight.
tonight’s hawaii. it’s a never-ending cycle. anyway, it’s official. flip a coin. internship tomorrow. school is becoming more and more pointless. experience is all i need at this point. why can’t i just move forward? no dwelling. it helps. i’ll take out loans, i don’t care. you sir, are a bore. squirrelfish. architecture of one, distance of another. sangria. living vicariously. won’t tell you anymore than that. i need to stop cracking my back. i miss you so much it hurts. goodnight.
The chiropractor said I have “issues” with my spinal chord. My lower back and neck have “major issues.” I took an x-ray and she did some other tests, and on saturday I have an appointment to go over the findings with her. I knew something was up, I just hope it’s not too bad.
okay, looks like it’s a go. that makes me happy. how am i supposed to pay for college? these saxophones are playing gorgeous tunes. didn’t make it in time. sure. ain’t this just like the present, to be showin’ up like this? i want to go somewhere. anywhere. i don’t know what you expect, but i don’t care. i’ll have my fun. organization. i’m more like my father than i thought. lunch. catalonia. schedules. too much? you need to know. goodnight.
Today, I received a sort of promotion at my internship. It was cool to do something different. Anyway, tomorrow she’s going to “adjust” me, which I’m really excited for. I seriously think that I need some sort of chiropractic help to relieve the tension in my back/neck. It’s been there for far too long, and I don’t know how to ease it.
so many foreign roads. yup, still the same song stuck in my head. surprising text message. at least i’ll get to use the dress for that sweet sixteen i never had. can’t go wrong really. maybe i’ll take the train to philly. i’d feel bad making him come all the way out here to pick me up. i always feel bad. i have to do those scholarships. can’t forget to smile in between. the book is getting good. there’s a lot to look forward to. my fingers never go uncrossed. i also found the best sleeping position. barcelona, i miss you. goodnight.