“The Yogic path is about disentangling the built-in glitches of the human condition, which I’m going to over-simply define here as the heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment. The Yogis…say that human discontentment is a simple case of mistaken identity. We’re miserable because we think that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality. We wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole entire nature. We have failed to recognize our deeper divine character. We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme Self who is eternally at peace.”—Elizabeth Gilbert, from Eat Pray Love
Funny how feelings can change, huh? Funny how one moment you’re soaring somewhere above cloud nine, and the next you’re scraping your knees on the rough concrete below. I know, I’ll survive, I’ll be fine, it’s not the end of the world, but right now I want nothing more than to cry. I don’t think people realize how much I care, how much I put myself into things. I get my hopes up too fast, and too often. This wasn’t the way I planned for it to play out. I’m sick of being let down, and let down hard.
Nothing extraordinary is happening, but I’ve been coasting through these days. I went shopping today which I haven’t done in a while. I’m feeling really good about my wardrobe. I think I’ll start dressing to go to school, these sweats have been taking me over. Also, I’m incredibly excited for this weekend. I have it all planned out and I can’t wait to see all of them. Things are going so well in general. Things are different, but I can tell I’m much happier.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this sore. I know I’ve been doing sportsnite, but that can’t be the cause of all this pain. What the hell is going on? Maybe I slept badly, or had a dream that someone molded my body into the shape of a ball for a week, I don’t know. I can’t move, and I have dance practice at 1. Great.